


Five Times Shayne Fell In Love (And One Time He Acted On It)

by thefandomlife



Category: Smosh
Genre: 5+1 Things, Courtney is a bisexual queen, M/M, Shayne has a gay panic every twenty minutes, also my idea of the origin of the in n out joke, courtney and boze are lesbian icons, damien is oblivious as ever, five times Shayne realizes he loves his goof of a best friend and one time he acts on it, my gay bois, they are also amazing matchmakers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 05:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefandomlife/pseuds/thefandomlife
Summary: Wait, those aren't normal feelings that two heterosexual white dudes feel for each other?





	Five Times Shayne Fell In Love (And One Time He Acted On It)

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head MONTHS ago and I had wanted to see if anyone would write it but I got impatient and decided to put all the other fics I write for this fandom and pairing aside just so I could get it out of my head. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this, I enjoyed doing the research and trying to make sure everything sailed smoothly with the timeline of events for these two dumb idiots in love. I guess on a lot of little facts and for some reason without checking them at first I realized I got a lot of facts right so i am really hoping this is a realistic fic to read. Obviously this isn't what really happened between Shayne and Damien, this is just my own tellings and fantasies (oof that's a weird word to use) of what I WISHED happened.
> 
> So enjoy this, I hope!

When Shayne was so much younger and naive he believed in soulmates.

He loved to believe that there was someone out there that could and would love and understand every part of him one day. He would tell everyone around him that he was going to marry someone special one day, which made his family chuckle and cheer him on and the kids at school bully him. 

Shayne had always held onto the hope that maybe he was right, that that gut feeling that churned and twisted his insides whenever he stared at  _ him,  _ and that he would have that happy ending. 

Damien was beautiful and Shayne had spent over seven years falling harder and more deeply in love with him. He couldn’t fathom the idea of ending up with someone else or seeing Damien settle for anything less than perfect. 

Watching as Damien laugh and joke around with the Smosh family really was wonderful, but it wasn’t enough. Shayne needed to do something, but how could he risk eight years of friendship with the one person he loves more than life itself?

  
  
  
  
  
  


~~~1~~~

The setup of the So Random set was a little overwhelming. Shayne had been acting for a little while, he had been in a movie recently and had done some plays here and there but nothing could prepare himself for this.

“Wow.” Shayne muttered, mostly to himself, even though his new castmate and coworker Brandon overheard.

“Yeah? You like it?” He asked, grinning at Shayne.

“Like it? I love it!” Shayne was sure to show his enthusiasm, mostly to hide his nerves.

“Yeah it’s pretty impressive man,” Brandon said clapping Shayne’s shoulder. “You got your lines memorized?”

“Oh yeah totally. Thanks for suggesting the practice last week, I really appreciated it.” Shayne thanked him. “It’s nice to see some of the cast outside of this,” he paused, waving his hand to try and find the word he meant.

“Work environment you mean?” Brandon asked with a grin. “Oh yeah no problem man, getting to know the people you’re working with is great, I highly recommend it!” 

Shayne nodded his head, turning and admiring the set up before him.

“So have you met everyone yet? I know you met Sterling, Tiff, Brandon, and Matthew but what about the others?”

“Others?” Shayne asked with a scrunched brow.

Brandon chuckled at him again.

“Yeah, there’s other actors too hotshot, don’t get carried away with yourself!”

Shayne tried to hide his embarrassment as Brandon continued.

“Before we allow in the studio audience I’ll introduce you to the rest of the cast. I still can’t believe you haven’t met them yet!”

“Well I don’t have scenes with them!” Shayne tried to defend himself.

“True, true but that doesn’t excuse anything white boy!”

Shayne had always loved sketch comedy. He would watch SNL with his brothers and high school friends all the time, absolutely getting a kick out of the comedy and talent that would shine through. He appreciated humor so much in his life and so to be able to incorporate that into a job was a dream come true.

“Oh hey!” Brandon called out as they went backstage and ran into a smaller girl with wide bright eyes. “Shayne, this is Allisyn, Allisyn this is Shayne Topp one of the newbies.”

Shayne grinned and thrusted his hand out to the girl.

“It’s nice to meet you and I’m sorry I didn’t run into you before today!”

“Oh no worries! It’s nice to meet you too! It’s been a busy couple of months getting this show up and running so I don’t blame ya! I still haven’t met Damien and I’m in a skit with him for christs sake!”

“Oh if you see Damien tell him to come find me so I can introduce the two newbies to each other!” Brandon said to Allisyn before she ran off in another direction.

Shayne was introduced to Doug and Grace, but they had not run into the guy named Damien. From what everyone was saying about the guy, Shayne had the impression that this kid was more talented than himself which was a little intimidating. Shayne didn’t know if he even wanted to meet the guy anymore.

His stomach was twisting with nerves and he was suddenly whisked off to the changing rooms to get into his outfit for the skit. He had to dress up pretty sharp looking, a suit and tie set that made him look like one of his brothers.

A makeup artist and a hairdresser went to town on his face and hair, the both of them rattling on about their busy mornings to each other, distracting Shayne from puking all over his lap. He held his script in hand and murmured his lines to himself, reassuring his confidence.

Suddenly he was being whisked away again and pushed to a side stage where stagehands rushed about setting up the stage with the scene he was about to partake in. He could hear the audience murmuring behind the curtains, their voices making Shayne even more uneasy.

All too soon, the cast he was acting with joined him and the final touches were made on the stage. Shayne felt small in the midst of everyone confidently talking amongst each other. Brandon though seemed to understand his nerves. He felt eternally grateful as the guy turned and squeezed his shoulder.

“You got this, hotshot.”

As the scene was built and everyone was dressed and in character, Shayne was pushed into the moment as the lights flashed in his direction and the music played around him.

“Hi folks, thank you for joining us for today’s special allstar wheel of fortune! Now let’s meet today’s celebrity players.” He spoke in a smooth, confident tone.

Looking back on that day, Shayne had found such a feeling of comfort with acting in the moment and really feeling the scene and character he was playing. He was able to remember every line and delivered it with the confidence he had always wished for. It was  _ exhilarating _ .

“Not bad hotshot! Not damn bad!” Brandon cheered as the scene ended and they all rushed off the stage to the changing room.

Shayne couldn’t help but giggle like a school girl from the high he was running on. He was so excited and shaking from his earlier nerves that he didn’t notice the unfamiliar face approaching him.

“Oh hey Damien! Where’ve you been boy?!” Brandon exclaimed, pulling the guy into a chaste hug.

Shayne turned and watched as the guy, evidently Damien, grinned a dorky smile that would have anyone in equal states of joy. He had brown hair that was oddly fluffy looking and wavy, brown eyes that sparkled as Brandon greeted him, a wide frame, curved lips that quirked up comically, and an aura about him that had Shayne’s tense shoulders settling. The guy looked like a cartoon character in person, that’s how Shayne would describe him.

“I was running a little late, my classes went a little longer than usual.” Damien explained, his hands waving as he spoke and if Shayne could hear correctly, a waver in his voice.

“Oh dude I totally understand the feeling, college classes are such a bitch.” Shayne contributed to the conversation.

He oddly loved the attention he got from the guy, his brown (hazel??? green???) eyes snapping over and meeting his own blue ones head on. Damien’s grin only widened as he observed Shayne back like how he had done earlier. 

“Are you at USC?” Damien asked him.

“No, I’m at Cali State but I’m thinking of doing online classes in the future.” Shayne said, folding his arms over his chest.

“Damien, meet Shayne Topp, he’s a newbie like you!” Brandon finally spoke up, introducing Shayne to him. “And Shayne, this is the infamous Damien Haas.”

Damien leaned forward and held his hand out in greeting, which Shayne took. He admired how warm and oddly soft the guy’s hand was.

“I don’t know about infamous though, Brandon!” Damien argued playfully.

“I guess we’ll have to see what you bring to the table then.” Shayne said with a chuckle.

“Speaking of, dude!” Damien exclaimed with a wide gleaming eyes. “You were excellent out there! I can’t wait to see more of your scenes!”

Oddly enough, Shayne found his cheeks flushing bright red at the praise. It felt good since he knew that underneath his stellar performance he had been shaking like a leaf prior and had been doubled over with nerves.

“Th-Thanks man, I can’t wait to see what you do out there!” Shayne stuttered.

_ I also think we might just be friends for life _ , he thought to himself later on as he continued to have an excellent conversation with Damien and walked away laughing harder than he had in awhile.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~~~2~~~

  
  


“Guys!” Sterling’s voice bellowed over everyone’s conversation backstage. “We are all gathering at the In N Out down the road for Doug’s birthday!”

“Why not Chick Fil A?!” Someone asked.

“Because Chick Fil A is stupid!” Doug yelled back. “And it’s my birthday! In N Out is the best okay!”

“How Cali girl of you Doug!” Tiffany teased, making everyone laugh.

“Oh shut up!”

As the crowd dispersed, everyone going to their respected cars and asking for rides, Shayne turned to Damien to resume the conversation they had been having.

“Dude do you have a ride there?” Shayne asked.

“No but I thought I heard Matthew saying that he was driving over, we could catch a ride!” Damien suggested.

Shayne nodded his head, allowing Damien to take the lead in asking Matthew. It had been just a few months but Shayne could swear that Damien and himself had been best friends in some past life. The two of them got along like a wildfire in a forest, the two of them literally flourished in each other’s presence, Matthew had once stated.

The two of them had moved into a two bedroom apartment together, unfortunately it was the weird side of town but it didn’t matter. The two of them had so much more time together and could literally play video games and chat together for hours. 

It was crazy how fast of friends they had become, since Shayne wasn’t that social at times. He was pretty selective in who he trusted and for some reason the moment he saw Damien he wanted to share  _ everything _ .

“That’s called having a gay crush, Shaynie.” Matthew had teased him one day.

It was a joke, Shayne knew it, but it still made him laughing uncomfortably and blush for no goddamn reason.

“The two no-homos are joining meeee?” Matthew exclaimed, as Damien had approached him in the crowd. “Well come along then! Let’s bust a move!”

The two of them shared a knowing look, giggling at some inside joke they had formed one day off set when they had been observing Matthew prepping for his scenes and his odd forms of breathing exercises. 

Usually for birthday parties one would want to go to a restaurant or somewhere with a back room where you could all sit down at one table and enjoy the food and one’s company, Shayne thought. But no, the cast of So Random was random enough to choose an In N Out at midnight on a Thursday to celebrate a castmate’s birthday.

“Shayne,” Damien spoke up as they waited in the long line going out the front doors. “What would I have to do to get you to buy me In N Out?”

Shayne turned and chuckled, feeling the beginnings of a joke forming.

“I don’t know, what do you want me to think you’d do?”

“Well that’s just dumb, I asked  _ you  _ the question you goof now answer it.”

Shayne laughed, a sound that made his chest feel light and warm inside.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe do the dishes for once, you ass.”

“Deal, now buy me In N Out.”

It wasn’t particularly funny, but for some reason the tone of Damien’s voice and how persistent he was with this odd question had Shayne dying of laughter.

“What’s so funny?!” Brandon yelled from the front of the line.

“Nothing, the newbies are just flirting.” Doug yelled back teasingly.

“I better see some spotless dishes now, Damien!” Shayne was able to get out through his peels of laughter.

“Done deal sir, now I expect the best goddamn double double on this here menu!” Damien spoke a thick accent, shaking Shayne’s arm violently, not helping his laughter in any case.

It was moments like these that Shayne found himself feeling particularly pleased with his life. He had a job that he enjoyed, he was laughing and full of life, he lived with his best friend who was somehow causing this happiness, he could go on forever. 

But the moments that really caught him off guard was looking over and seeing the exact same happy expression on Damien’s face as he too laughed at whatever joke he had cracked to make Shayne laugh hysterically. His face would almost glow as his smile threatened to tear his face apart and his eyes sparkled with life. 

It was a beautiful sight and in those beautiful moments Shayne found that he wasn’t embarrassed by the “gay comments or insinuations” and could just adore his best friend before him.

_ God, can we have this forever? _ He thought as Damien spun up another joke, his hands waving as he spoke in a funny accent and kept looking over at Shayne with a wide grin on his face.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~~~3~~~

  
  


It was a little sad how excited Shayne was getting a text from Damien asking him to go on a spontaneous road trip.

The reason it was sad was because they didn’t live together anymore, So Random had been canceled for a new season, and the two had found different jobs that had them going separate ways. They hardly ever saw each other anymore and it had been over a year since the last So Random cast going away party. 

Matthew had thrown the party at his place, since it was more spacious and he was so fucking gay and extravagant to throw a goddamn going away party in his pettiness for the show being canceled. It had been one of those parties where everyone was able to forget the sad news and just had fun, like the very first days when they had been practicing lines and performing together.

Shayne was the kind of person who couldn’t stay very present in situations like these. He kept thinking about the nostalgia of the old days compared to now and the dooming future and what it presented. It had been really difficult for him because he kept wanting to talk with every single person he had gotten along with and just cling to them, not wanting the good memories to leave.

But he didn’t know how to express that, his throat would clog up and his eyes would water and sting painfully. 

It didn’t help that Damien was good at everything and was having the time of his life, laughing and chatting with a very drunk Matthew in the corner. Damien had always been good at adapting in the moment, that’s what made him such a good actor. Damien was also one of the people here that had Shayne feeling even more depressed about because he had been talking all night about the opportunity to go and audition at some fancy call next week. 

So Shayne sat in the corner watching everyone have a good time, like how he normally did. He had tried putting his thoughts into words, but that had Sterling look at him funny. He usually was the one person to observe people’s lives and their happiness. He was good at it, just observing and taking note of it all. 

He was a person who couldn’t truly live without the help of others, so instead of embarrassing himself he chose to suffer and tear up inside.

Brandon eventually found him, sipping on a beer (that tasted really goddamn awful) and watching Damien laugh and talk to everyone around him with a sad expression on his face.

“Dude you look like a pinning girl.” 

Shayne tried to straighten up and appear like he was fine, but one look at Brandon had his shoulders drooping and his face falling again. For some reason he couldn’t pretend around the guy, he was very observant like himself and was just too quick for him to keep up with.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

Shayne took another swig, not even hiding his grimace at the taste.

“I don’t want it to stop.”

“What specifically?” Brandon asked, his brow scrunched as he tried to understand.

“This has been the best job and time of my life. I absolutely love acting, but sketch comedy is my passion. So this was the opportunity of a lifetime and I don’t want to give it up.”

“That’s not specific enough, I know you hotshot!”

Shayne felt defeated, he didn’t want to say it and be teased.

“C’mon dude, lay it on me, I won’t pick on you. This is deep stuff, a true homie doesn’t do that to their own.” Brandon said, bumping his shoulder against Shayne’s.

He smiled a little, secretly loving how the guy admitted they were friends.

“You promise?”

“Oh i promise dude, we can even be girly here and pinky promise.” Brandon held up his pinky finger.

Shayne chuckled, wrapping his pinky around Brandon’s.

“I-I, I don’t want to l-lose Damien.” He said after a minute of building up his confidence to say it all out loud.

“Dude! You and Damien lose each other? I’m pretty sure you guys are like soulmates or something, you ain’t gonna lose each other any damn time soon!” Brandon exclaimed, wrapping an arm around Shayne’s frame.

“But on a serious note, I’m pretty sure the dude feels the same, he just has a different way of expressing it then you do. He doesn’t fuckin  _ mope  _ like you do.”

Shayne laughed at the jibe, feeling something inside him lift at how sure Brandon was of his and Damien’s friendship.

“But yeah, you two will make it. Yeah, he might go one way and you the other, but in the end and the inbetweens I’m definitely sure you guys will come and find each other.”

  
  


Shayne looked back on that night fondly instead of sadly. He had been able to find Damien and they ended up having a good time, making up dorky dance moves to make each other laugh and planning times to hang out in the future.

So even though about once a month he and Damien had the time to meet up and order takeout and play video games together, it was a little bit sad that Shayne lit up so much at a goddamn text.

**_Hey buddy! Quick question (and no it’s not me asking_ **

**_how much of a loser you are today) do you want to_ **

**_go on a roadtrip with me starting tomorrow after_ **

**_we both get off work?_ **

Shayne was working in a kitchen at some catering company part time while he hunted for acting jobs while Damien was being paid as an intern at USC in the tech department. Their hours never really matched up half the time, which explained why they hardly ever had time to hang out.

_ Dude that sounds like fun! One of my coworkers _

_ Actually asked me if she could pick up some of my _

_ Hours if I didn’t want them, so I’ll give them to her! _

“What’s that smile for?” His coworker, Andrea, asked.

“Nothing,” Shayne said, trying to hide his growing grin as he rolled out pizza dough. “My buddy just texted and asked if I wanted to go on a road trip, so Becca will be pleased to know she's got some hours for her this next week.”

“Nice! That’s the one buddy you talk about all the time, right?” She asked, her attention mostly on the bowl of sauce she was mixing.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize I talked about him so much.” Shayne chuckled half heartedly.

“Oh yeah, you had gay Michael convinced that you were gay by how much you talked about him.” Andrea said with a laugh.

Shayne paused for a second, looking over at her for a moment.

“D-Do you think I’m gay?” He found himself asking, his voice cracked and low.

Andrea paused what she was doing and glanced over at him, her brow scrunched up in concern.

“Are you? If so, then it’s no biggie to me or anyone who works here.”

Shayne couldn’t answer the question. Usually he would just rub it off and laugh, making some joke that would distract his tangled thoughts on the subject. People never asked him again after that and it worked, but this time he found that the joke felt sour in his throat.

Shayne had grown up knowing he was different but he never knew he was that different. He had been attracted to girls growing up, but he never really dated that often after he figured out girls only liked him for his looks and not for him personally. It hurt, but he had been able to get to a place where he could be confident in his personality and still try and get out there more.

It wasn’t until college and when his acting career was taking off that he really sat down and pondered the idea and the jabs of him being somewhat gay. Matthew, on the set of So Random, had always teased him, but it had never been mean like other people, it was almost like he knew….

“I don’t know, Andrea,” Shayne croaked out. “I don’t know….”

Damien had texted him later with a surprise that he wouldn’t let up, which had Shayne almost shaking with excitement. He had sat down after he had gotten off of work and decided to push his gay crisis to the side and deal with it later. It wasn’t every day that he had such good luck in doing something with Damien. 

The next day felt long to him and drawn out. He was constantly watching the clock and ignoring how Andrea would give him knowing looks out of the corner of his eye. As soon as the clock struck three, he was hanging up his apron and clocking out.

“See you in a week or so!” He bid goodbye to Andrea.

“Good luck!” She yelled at him.

He didn’t know that just two words could be so reassuring and yet so haunting at the same time.

Damien was waiting for him in the parking lot with his new car he had been able to save tirelessly for. Shayne was proud of him, seeing how happy he was sitting behind his own wheel with his own music playing over the radio. He could remember the days where the two of them would always text Matthew to pick them up and take them places.

“Hey dude!” Damien called out to him, his eyes lit up and a grin spread across his face.

It made Shayne’s insides warm up that Damien was just as excited for this as he was.

“Hey! The car’s looking good! How were those adjustments?” He asked as he got into the passenger side.

“Oh it was a bitch to pay for, but you know it’s worth it!” Damien said with a shrug. “How was work today?” He asked, putting the car into reverse and backing out of the parking lot.

“It was long, you know the feeling. But it’s pretty good now!” Shayne said with a grin.

“Yeah, dude, I’m so excited for this! I’ve been needing something spontaneous and fun for a long time!” Damien said excitedly.

“Where is our first destination?” Shayne asked as they pulled out onto the main road.

“Well buddy since it’s your birthday and we are a little late at a twenty first birthday hoedown…”

“No! This is NOT what I’m thinking it is!” Shayne exclaimed hysterically.

“We are going to Vegas baybeeee!” Damien cheered, turning up the song that he had coincidentally found on one of the older radio stations playing Viva Las Vegas.

“Are you an actual wizard? How did you do that?!” 

“Um no son, I am actually God.” 

Shayne was already laughing so hard his worries from earlier were gone from his mind.

The drive was long and would have been tiring, but instead Shayne found that listening to shitty radio stations and screaming the lyrics with his best friend were the best moments of this trip. At one point, when Shayne had taken over driving for a stretch, Damien had the funny idea to film a video of their impersonation of singing “Royals” by Lorde.

“God, whoever watches that video will become  _ instantly  _ deaf.” Shayne said with a laugh, making Damien go into hysterics.

As they drove over the hill overlooking the infamous Sin City, the sun was setting and Shayne was back in the passenger seat. 

Their excitement came bubbling back in full force. They stopped to take a picture of the infamous sign, teasing each other about how they were becoming white girls more and more with each day. 

Shayne couldn’t help but feel his heart soar as they pulled into the main strip, looking for a motel that read vacant. He kept taking photos, secretly listening as Damien sang along with the music that played in the streets from each of the casinos.

“There!” Shayne shouted, pointing at some stereotypical motel with flashing lights. “That one says vacancy!”

They pulled into the parking lot and walked up to the office, trying to ignore the sketchy man sitting in one of the parking spots talking about demons and cigarettes, the grumpy woman who looked like a carbon copy of Kathy Bates (which had Shayne giggling at an inside joke he and Damien shared), and the flickering lights in their designated room. 

“Dude where to first?” Damien asked as they showered and got ready to go out on the town.

“I don’t know, this is all kind of overwhelming.” Shayne murmured as he towel dried his hair.

“I know, the lights and people can be a lot, but it’s also really mesmerizing in a way.” Damien agreed. “But you’re the birthday boy so you get to pick!”

“Ugh! It’s so hard!”

“Don’t make me say it you dumb doofus.”

“What?”

“That’s what she said!”

Shayne giggled so hard he almost tore his shirt as he was trying to put it on.

“Come on doofus, let’s get going. The pinup ladies and the drinks, that only you will partake in because my insides are broken, are waiting for us!”

Shayne felt like he was already drunk off the atmosphere and aura around him. He lost count of how many Elvis impersonators there were on every street corner and how many times he caught some pervy dude grab one of the performers asses as they passed by.

They ended up agreeing on some big casino with a clown standing out front with tickets to some strip show inside later on in the early hours of the morning. The inside was huge and packed full of people milling around, drinking, and shouting happily.

It definitely wasn’t Shayne or Damien’s personal idea of a good time, but it was a once in a lifetime opportunity where they could say they had done it and gotten it over with. 

“Where to first bud?” Damien asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

Shayne led the way through the crowds, his eyes taking everything in as they found their way to the bar. Damien insisted on buying his first two or three drinks much to Shayne’s dismay. They argued about it for a good five minutes as the bartender looked at them like they were crazy. Shayne felt bad for the man because he had to deal with their crazy asses and also with Damien requesting for a fizzy non-alcoholic drink.

“Hey, I can’t drink so I am going to buy you your drinks so that you can have a good time! It’s your birthday for christs sake dude!” Damien protested once again.

“Dude I’d listen to your boyfriend here.” The bartender piped up as he walked by.

Shayne had already downed one of the shots (and even though he didn’t want to admit it he was a bit of a light weight) so he didn’t notice the insinuation until a beat later after he watched as Damien forgot and said the following:

“Yeah you punk! You best listen to me!”

He didn’t know what to say, maybe Damien didn’t hear as well? But he hadn’t had a drink and had no excuse except for it was loud in the casino…. Shayne decided to ignore how his heartbeat had picked up and his cheeks had gotten surprisingly warm and downed the second shot with a half-assed glare at the brunette’s direction.

“I hate you by the way.” He yelled over the crowd.

“Love you too bud!”

The rest of the night was a blur of lights, movement, and laughter. He didn’t forget it all, just moments blurred into each other like lines. Because how could he forget accidentally kissing Damien?

Damien had made sure he was all well and drunk while Shayne had somehow talked Damien into accepting a joint from the person to their right. Shayne’s argument was “hey buddy, I’m getting wasted so you have to be somethin’ too”. 

Damien surprisingly had agreed, making the two of them very drunk/high and stupid. 

They didn’t go and bet all their money away, instead they chose to just walk around the casino and admire other people giving away their life fortunes until they got bored and walked out on the street. At one point the crowds got so packed and pushy that Shayne found his hand reaching out and grasping ahold of Damien’s warm one. The brunette didn’t yank away or protest in any way, making Shayne smile to himself.

They ended up finding a bar that was playing loud, heavily boosted bass filled music and ended up fighting their way inside.

“I normally don’t like this song,” Damien yelled over the remix version of Low by Flo Rida, “but show me what you got you big blonde baby!”

Shayne laughed, clapping his hands at the inside joke Damien had come up with when he had been trying to find interesting insults to call Shayne that would make him crack. Spoilers, it always worked.

At first they made up their own horrible dance moves in their own little corner of the club, laughing hysterically at one another as the moves became more exaggerated and hilarious. Shayne was having the time of his life when he turned and noticed that there were only guys in this club….

“Hey uh Damien?”

“What? You giving up now you bippity blonde boopin’ doofus?”

“No, I think we are in a gay bar.” Shayne muttered, his words coming out a little slurred as he realized just how drunk he was when the idea of being in a gay bar didn’t fully faze him.

He turned around to look at his friend, shocked at how Damien had inched forward and was now a couple inches away. Damien looked down at him (curse his long legs and tall frame), a smirk growing on his face.

“What Shayne? You backing out?” He asked, his voice surprisingly low and sensual to Shayne’s ears.

Shayne felt his stomach flip as he watched the joking glint in his friend’s eyes turn mischievous and downright hot.

“Wh-What? N-No, not i-if you are first!” Shayne fought back.

Damien turned fully towards him, not moving away but instead getting even closer so that Shayne was wrapped in his warmth that radiated like mist around them. He grabbed Shayne’s sweaty palms and started to move them to the beat of the song (some crappy 2000’s song by T-Pain? T-Money? Something stupid).

“Do you even know how to move your white boy hips?” Damien teased, now taking his hands and transferring them to Shayne’s hips, pulling them ever closer than before.

Shayne sucked in his breath as Damien took control of their movements, swaying them both seductively to the beat until Shayne had a handle of the rhythm and could do it himself. Even then, Damien kept his hands on Shayne’s waist, one hand palming his lower back and pushing him steadily closer.

Shayne had no choice but to stare at Damien’s lips, mere centimeters apart from his own chapped ones. He couldn’t figure out how and why Damien’s lips looked so pretty and flush, making him feel bad about his own. His chest was almost flush with Damien’s so he jumped slightly when Damien chuckled, the vibration going through the both of them.

“My eyes are up here buddy.” He teased seductively.

Shayne slowly trailed his eyes upwards to stare directly into Damien’s, which were staring right back. His eyes were glowing almost, to Shayne’s amazement. He felt like he was looking up at the night sky in wonder and awe at how someone out there in this vast universe put each and every speck of light up there in his best friend’s eyes. 

Suddenly Damien shifted their bodies so sharply to the beat that their hips (accidentally??? Damien could be a little shit) grounded together, making heat trail up through Shayne’s gut and stomach. He felt his eyes widen at the sensation and how quickly his dick reacted to the movement. Damien caught how flushed Shayne became at the movement and let out a chuckle, the sensation of his chest moving making heat spark and sizzle in Shayne’s veins.

He hadn’t realized how much he had wanted something so bad until this moment. It was so incredibly wonderful and almost magical in a sense that had Shayne miracuously grounded in the moment and craving more.

Damien flicked his eyes down at Shayne’s lips, the movement making his stomach heat up again. Before Shayne could think, he wasn’t sure who moved first, his lips were suddenly crashed together with Damien’s own soft ones.

It was a sensation like no other. Shayne felt his body react to the soft sensation of Damien’s lips, how they created sparks that danced along his skin and down his spine. It was like flowers were blooming all around and through him, like the sun was shining bright and birds were chirping.

It was everything that little five year old Shayne had always thought would happen.

And suddenly it was over as soon as it started because Shayne suddenly felt his body fall against Damien’s and everything went black.

Shayne woke up the next day with a killer hangover and panic that struck him to his core. He woke up hyperventilating, his body shaking in spasms and his limbs incapable of functioning. 

“Woah woah woah there buddy, calm down, it’s okay!” Damien’s voice echoed in his ears as he continued to shake and sob.

Shayne felt horrible for having a panic attack the morning after Damien had treated him out for a birthday celebration.

And after they had kissed.

Everytime he thought about that moment he would start shaking again and he just wanted it to stop so he could think. But his body was reacting for him and it was frankly terrifying himself. Damien sat with him through the morning, rubbing his back, holding a puke bucket for him, and whispering reassuring words.

As the panic seemed to subside and Damien spoke in calming tones about going out for a late breakfast (it was two in the afternoon) Shayne was able to think once again.

_ We kissed last night….in a gay bar….and I wasn’t fazed by any of it…. _

Throughout their breakfast, Shayne was amazed that Damien didn’t ask where that panic attack came from and what could have triggered it. He didn’t have an explanation and he frankly didn’t know if Damien himself remembered the moment. He hadn’t said anything regarding it so Shayne took the cowardly route and didn’t speak up either.

In a sense, it felt like life had changed all around Shayne and yet at the same time it didn’t. Shayne didn’t know how to explain to anyone that felt like his body had been turned inside out and his heart was now on the outside and glowing because of just one goddamn person. He had no way to describe to any sane person that he could swear that birds legit chirped and sang whenever Damien smiled and laughed at him.

His jokes suddenly needed to be more funnier and more impressive so that he could see that smile stretch across his friend’s face and make everything glow and brighten around him.

Coming home was the worst because he had to sit down and actually think about it all like he had promised himself. He tried talking to himself in the mirror, but seeing the words form on his lips had anxiety churning in his stomach. Writing it down turned into a long list of absolute garbage or nothing at all. And just trying to yell and scream it out just turned into him sobbing himself to sleep.

“Yo Shayne,” Andrea exclaimed the next day he showed up to work with black bags under his eyes. “Are you okay?”

She waited in silence as Shayne grabbed his apron off the hook and tied it around his waist.

“I might be just a little bit gay.”

  
  


_ And I am downright fucking terrified of what’s to come if I don’t have him in my arms. _

  
  
  


~~~4~~~

  
  
  
  


If only seeing Damien once a month had sucked, life had really taken a blow to Shayne’s life now. He hardly ever saw the guy ever since he had gotten a couple of voice acting gigs and a job at a leather crafting shop. They would message each other every now and then with a hope of getting together and doing something, but it hardly ever happened. 

It was getting close to the christmas season and Shayne had to tell his parents that he wasn’t bringing any significant other home this year. He hated hearing the pity in his mom’s voice and the reassurance in his stepdad’s. It struck home everytime he thought about having someone over to his parents when they weren’t Damien.

He had come to the realization pretty slow but surely over a good several months. His old coworker Andrea had been a good help, she still texted him about the gay guys in her apartment complex that she should get to know, and his good friend Shelby was a great person to vent and talk to. He saw more of Andrea and Shelby than he did Damien and that fact made him pretty sad.

“He’s developing his career, that’s pretty cool don’t you think?” Shelby had asked one evening where they had sat down on her couch, ate Panda Express takeout, and watched Orange is the New Black. 

“Yeah, but it’s different…” Shayne muttered as he shoveled orange chicken into his mouth.

“How?”

“I’m not there with him.”

“You know,” Shelby said, sitting up, “this is the moment of your life where you face all the horrible odds.”

Shayne looked up at her quizzically.

“You are going back and forth on jobs, not having anything too exciting and great to look forward to, and you haven’t settled down and found love. But that isn’t going to stop you, right?” Shelby’s voice got higher.

“What did Anne do when she faced the reality of sexism in the educational system when she wanted to become a teacher? She fought for it and studied her ass off and became an amazing teacher! What did all the amazing women who were help to the horrible white families in The Help? They stood up and told their stories and published that shit, even when faced with cruel racism! What did Katniss do when she and Peeta were told to choose either one of them to die in the games run by a corrupt government? They said fuck it and decided to die together!”

“God, Shelby you’re being loud!” Shayne exclaimed with a bark of laughter as the woman was jumping on the couch with enthusiasm at this point.

“What I’m saying, Shayne, is that you need to find something worth living for and just keep fucking pushing forward.” Shelby said as she plopped down beside him and grinned.

Shayne felt his soul beam with light at her words. He knew he needed them and that he needed to find a way to push his way through this funk. He didn’t know how, but he knew that it was possible and he just needed to find it.

**_Noah GROSSman: hey dude! Was jst wndering if u were coming to class l8tr tday?_ **

Shayne cringed at the typos and text language that Noah used as he glanced over the text from his friend. He was getting ready to leave town for the christmas season when Noah had shot him a text.

_ I have some time later, sure thing dude! _

He shot the text to the kid and finished folding his shirts and jeans. He had joined an acting class where they focused mostly on improv and comedy. That’s where he had met Noah, who was a bit younger and a lot brighter than him. The kid was a good actor and had a passion for it, making Shayne want to have that same spark again. 

So he decided that was going to be his fighting passion, like Shelby had told him to find. He was going to learn it all over again and be surrounded by people with passion so that they could help him find his.

Noah always lit up and smiled widely as Shayne would walk in the front doors of the shabby office building that was rented out for this class. Noah was one of those people that was kind and smiley towards everyone, but he always greeted Shayne differently.

“Hey Shayne! How was your day today?” He would ask vibrantly, indicating for him to sit down beside him.

“It was good, got some final packing done with for when I leave town to visit my family.” Shayne responded.

“Nice nice! That’s always exciting, going to see family and all. My family lives here so i don’t get to go somewhere exotic and different than sunny Los Angeles and experience snow or something.”

“Yeah? After a couple days you start going crazy from how white and icy everything is.” Shayne said with a laugh.

Noah laughed back, adjusting his glasses.

“Oh my! I can see why! That’s how it feels to see another goddamn palm tree basking in the horrendous heat!”

Shayne really truly enjoyed talking to Noah. The kid appeared pretty neutral to anyone, just another white kid who liked to act, but once he got up there and took a scene he transformed. He really had a talent to channel a character and become bigger and different than he appeared.

It reminded Shayne a lot of Damien when he had first seen him acting on So Random. He had truly been blown away by how amazing the guy was at taking the stage and the audience in his grasp. There were people out there who could just transform everything around them and Shayne loved experiencing and seeing it. 

As they finished their class, laughter filling Shayne’s lungs and chest from the scene Noah had finished with that included a police officer, a plastic fish toy, and a plunger, Shayne felt a little bit better of going home and facing the truth of being single and not hand in hand with Damien like he desperately wanted.

“Hey dude!” Noah called after him.

Shayne turned and waited for the kid to catch up with him.

“Do you remember that company I was telling you about that I started working for?” He asked, a little breathless.

“Yeah, what was it called again?” Shayne asked, trying to recall the conversation they had had.

“SMOSH, it was started by two guys who started a YouTube channel and they did sketch comedy skits and grew famous. They are now a brand and a company and they are looking for actors for their sketches, if you’d like I can recommend you!”

Shayne pondered the thought, remembering how when Shayne brought it up he was a little hesitant. Sketch comedy had always been something he and Damien had loved and it was what drew them together in the first place.

“I’ll think about it over Christmas break and get back to you.” Shayne said finally.

“Alright! Awesome, well you have an awesome trip and Christmas! Oh! And before I forget, I got you a little something!” Noah exclaimed, running to where his parents were parked in the parking lot.

Shayne started to protest about being given a gift, that he really didn’t deserve it and felt bad because he hadn’t gotten Noah anything, but Noah rubbed him off and handed him a medium sized box.

“C’mon open it!” Noah demanded with excitement.

Shayne relented and shakily opened the box, his eyes widening as he pulled the tissue paper aside.

“I watched the show with all of my friends all the time and we would get a kick out of the jokes and because of it we had our own inside jokes. Watching you guys perform and use sketch comedy of all forms of acting really helped inspire me to want to pursue it more. So my mom helped me make you this!”

It was a canvas of himself, but in the paint style without showing his face, in each and every one of his scenes in So Random. It was so artistic and cool that Shayne felt tears sting his eyes as he noticed how in a couple there were some of Damien alongside him.

“Th-Thank you, Noah.” Shayne was able to get out, finally looking up at the guy.

Noah seemed shocked by his reaction, probably not understanding why it was such an emotional thing to him. But he recovered fast and grinned at Shayne.

“You’re welcome!”

The painting stayed in his car as he drove out of town and showed up at his parents place. His family had greeted him enthusiastically, even though he caught them not so sneakily glancing behind him to see if anyone was joining him. He rubbed it off and was greeted by more family, some he didn’t even remember all that well.

He was asked all the same questions he got asked every year.

“How’s the acting business going for ya?” One of his uncles asked.

“So your mom tells me you’re gay now? How’d that happen?” His mom’s cousin asked.

“Are you finished with school yet?” His aunt asked.

“I haven’t seen you in any mainstream movies, are you broke?” His cousin asked.

“How can someone as cute as you be so single?” His grandmother asked as she pinched his cheeks.

By the end of the day when the house emptied except for his immediate family, Shayne was exhausted and a little fried.

“I’m sorry for mom’s Uncle Larry’s homophobic questions,” his eldest brother said. “We all realize your bisexual and not gay but you know how that generation deals with the Gay Fear.”

Shayne laughed dryly, nodding his head slowly.

“It’s fine, I get it a lot actually. People don’t see gay and bisexual people all that often in this industry and so it’s almost mystifying that we exist.” 

“How are you doing with all of it? It’s odd because growing up in this society we are ingrained with this thought that we are all straight and then one day it’s different right?”

Shayne felt his heart pick up as he remembered how he realized his sexuality.

“I don’t know man, I honestly think its been something I’ve always known. There wasn’t anyone in middle or high school that really caused me to realize my sexuality, not until recently so it’s a little terrifying.” He admitted.

“You never actually told us the story of how you realized. Was it someone specifically that helped you realize?”

Shayne couldn’t speak, he didn’t want to because the moment he did everything would spill out and he didn’t think his brother would want to hear that--

“Shayne, what’s going on?”

“I think I’m in love with my best friend.” He whispered, barely audible over the fire crackling in the fire pit.

His brother stayed silent as Shayne poured everything out, from how he had been mesmerized from seeing Damien for the first time to the road trip down to Vegas, and the morning after.

“But now I’m stuck here, in this stump. We hardly ever see each other anymore and he doesn’t have a clue how much this is killing me inside!” Shayne exclaimed, feeling something loosen up in his shoulder and in the depths of his soul.

“Honestly Shayne, you either need to tell him how you feel or move on. Because from the sounds of it he’s been moving on and getting acting gigs and all right?” His brother asked.

Shayne nodded his head slowly, hating where this was going.

“I honestly would suggest it because if you keep this up you’re never going to be happy. And I hate knowing that you aren’t fully happy, that kills me inside dude. You’re my baby bro, I’ve gotta look after you.”

Shayne felt the tears come rushing down his cheeks finally as reality hit him to his core.

“What if no one compares to him though?” He asked through his sobs.

“Well you never know unless you try. And if you don’t find anyone that compares, then I would tell him man.” His brother suggested, his eyes full of the same sorrow that Shayne felt deep in his bones.

Christmas came and went in a rush of colors, presents, and holding his nieces fondly. The drive back home wasn’t as quiet anymore since he decided to listen to the radio and sing along to the songs like he used to. Even as Royals came on he sang it in the stupid voice that he and Damien would do, singing through the lump in his throat.

He showed up to the next acting lesson and before Noah could greet him enthusiastically he spoke over him.

“I’m in, what do I need to do to get in Smosh?”

  
  


_ I will do everything I can to become the best me I can be.  _

  
  
  
  
  


~~~5~~~

  
  
  


“Dude, that is so exciting! I can’t wait!” Damien’s voice exclaimed through Shayne’s earbuds.

“Yeah dude, my boss gave the greenlight! So you will start integrating with the Smosh Games guys and film a couple videos and if they like you, you will get a regular time job there and a desk and everything!” Shayne said, trying to contain the excitement in his voice.

Shayne had started working at Smosh almost two years prior and it had been the most insane two years of his life. He had started to find his passion and life and it was all thanks to Noah for believing in him and pushing him along. 

“Dude I can’t wait!” Damien exclaimed as a sound in the background distracted him for a moment, making the smile on Shayne’s face fall. “That’s the girlfriend, I should probably get going, it’s date night! Thanks for calling and telling me though!”

“Yeah no worries dude, I’ll text you more details for the next week!” Shayne was able to get out through the sore spot in his soul.

“Alright, catch ya later!”

“Bye!”

When he had first started filming and getting to know the Smosh family, they had all sensed something dark about him and had been super sweet and kind. Shayne could admit he had been a little bit of an ass at first, being all closed off and distant. He felt bad about it now especially the work Noah put in to get him there. But surprisingly, it was Ian who had been the first to really dig deep in getting to know him more.

“So what’s your story dude, I know you were on that Disney show a couple years back but not a whole lot as of recently, what have you been up to?”

Shayne had tried to smile but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“Honestly nothing really at all. I-I’ve been trying to find my passion in life and Noah pushed me to start up here since he knows that I love this type of comedy and acting.”

Ian nodded his head and wrapped an arm around his shoulders encouragingly.

“That’s awesome, we hope you can open up to us more, we’d love to get to know you more dude.”

Shayne had appreciated it at the time and that’s what helped him warm up so much to Courtney then Olivia and Keith. Courtney had gotten to him in the sense of their sexualities.

“So I know this might be a really weird and invasive question but oops! I gotta ask, but are you bisexual?” Courtney had asked one day before anyone had gotten into the office.

He had turned violently around and just stared at her. First he was shocked at how she could ask such a question, why she would and how could she have known, and then that shock turned into gratitude for not being asked first off if he was gay but bisexual. 

“Y-Yeah?” He had been able to get out, his voice high and his hands starting to sweat.

“Dude same here! Sorry to freak you out, my gaydar was going off every time I was around you so I just HAD to ask.” Courtney exclaimed.

Shayne had been so shocked and overwhelmed that he didn’t say anything at first which had made Courtney falter in her enthusiasm, making him feel bad instantly.

“Did I say something wrong? I-I’m sorry…” Courtney muttered, and to his dismay her eyes started welling up with tears.

“S-Sorry, it’s been something pretty deep and a little upsetting over the past few years…” Shayne apologized.

“How come? If you don’t mind me asking…” Courtney asked.

Before he could respond, Olivia and Keith waltzed in, laughing about some joke. Courtney smiled apologetically at him and said low enough that they couldn’t hear.

“I’d love to hear your story, tell it to me at lunch, we can find a quiet corner to chat!”

In any other situation, Shayne would have felt so uncomfortable and hesitant about having such a conversation, but knowing that Courtney was also like him made him feel a lot more comfortable.

So at lunch time, he and Courtney found a table outside the building in a quiet area and started up their conversation again.

“So one of my good friends and coworker while I was on So Random is kind of the reason I figured out I was bi. Uh, he’s like one of my best friends and it’s a little difficult talking about it because he doesn’t know and we don’t talk as much as we used to.

“But he treated me out to this road trip down to Vegas and we just had this fun time and all so by the end of the night I was drunk off my ass and we had been walking the strip when we stumbled across this bar….”

Courtney grinned and winked at him.

“Did y’all make out?”

“N-No, let me finish!” He chuckled despite his nerves. “I honestly don’t know to this day if he remembers any of this but we figured out it was a gay club and we started dancing and he suddenly kissed me.”

Courtney cheered, but Shayne didn’t feel it that much.

“It felt so amazing Courtney, like honestly. I don’t even understand how one person could make you feel that way. But he’s dating this girl and it looks like they are going to last…”

Courtney frowned sadly and gently grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“I’m sorry bud.” She suddenly smiled and bounced in her seat. “Until the moment that they eventually break up or something happens, we need to get you out there! Get you in the dating game and gathering up your confidence!

“Dude, seriously, I-I’m fine--”

“Nuh uh! None of that! You can learn from the dates you go on and the relationships you are apart of. So get out there and learn, grow, and become a better version of yourself! I believe in you, Shayne!”

Her positivity in him was really what kept him afloat through the two years before Damien joined the Smosh family.

Ever since then they would randomly have conversations about their gayness. It was something Shayne had no idea he would be partaking in with someone else and it was honestly amazing.

“Dude what I don’t understand about y’all,” Keith exclaimed one day as Courtney and Shayne had started laughing mid conversation with the squad at an inside joke of theirs. “Is how you guys just look at one another and you just know what y’all are thinking. It’s creepy!”

“It is odd, almost like you guys are secretly dating???” Olivia asked teasingly, which had the both of them laughing at the absurdity of it.

“That’s how us gays communicate with one another!” Courtney had said off the bat.

Everyone’s reactions were so comical and amazing. Olivia started grinning and jumping up and down, Keith screamed, and Noah choked on his sandwich (or lack thereof). 

“Y’all are gay?!” Keith exclaimed.

“Bi actually.” Shayne and Courtney said at the same time.

“STOP THIS.” Keith screamed.

“That’s amazing you guys, I’m glad to know!” Noah said with a wide grin.

“I knew it the moment I saw you!” Ian yelled from the background.

But yeah, Shayne could admit that life was turning up since then. He and Courtney made it a thing to have a sleepover at least once a week and do the most gayest shit ever. It was therapeutic for him especially when he would go in Instagram and see Damien posting another picture of him and his lovely girlfriend and their family of cats.

But as time went on, Damien had started reaching out and they started talking more and occasionally hanging out. They started playing video games again and as they did it more often, their friendship really shone through and they were able to crack jokes again and make new ones. It was nice and Shayne found that his heart was healing a little bit more from his original heartbreak. 

“OOOOOOOH TAKE THAT YOU ASS BITCH” Shayne exclaimed, throwing his controller down against the couch in victory over winning yet another round of Niddhog.

“I must complain here sire, my controller smelled so I demand a rematch.”

“SHUT UP I NEVER SAID THAT YOU BITCH.” Shayne exclaimed while laughing hysterically.

“Mmmmm I beg to differ young man, it is way past your bedtime, give me your victory title and wash your mouth of soap from those naughty words. Also you’re grounded.”

“AHHHHH.”

He still was madly crushing on his best friend unfortunately and it wasn’t going away. But in the midst of that, he ended up meeting someone who ended up making him feel a little bit better about himself. She was nice and sweet and loved books just as much as he did.

They ended up bonding over literature and she was actually the one who got him back into doing school. He was able to do online school and balance work at Smosh perfectly thanks to her encouragement.

So at first the relationship was great and Shayne started to forget about the ache in his chest when it came to his feelings towards Damien. But in the past few weeks as Damien developed into the Smosh culture and environment, Shayne had started realizing how drained he felt whenever he would come home because she would be there and she would need a certain amount of attention and love and she wouldn’t return it back to him.

But with Damien coming back more into his life, it was a nice distraction from how shitty his relationship was becoming.

“Dude we really love doing stuff with Damien!” Boze had exclaimed one day after work when she had cornered him at his desk.

“Yeah? That’s awesome, I’m glad he’s having fun!’ Shayne said with a genuine smile.

“So are you going to tell him you’re madly in love with him?” 

Shayne froze and just stared at her, his heart stopping.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but I just need to say that I can see it clearly and I think it’s awesome. And also recently I can see that there’s been something different about you, you have bags under your eyes and everytime someone asks you about your girl you get all tense….”

Shayne tried to ignore how fast his heart was racing.

“I think you need to do something for you dude. You’re a great guy and Damien’s a great guy too and you guys really deserve each other and happiness.”

“Th-Thanks Boze….I-I don’t know what to do….” Shayne muttered.

She smiled sadly and crept forward, wrapping her arms around his torso. He hugged her back, feeling a great sense of relief at having someone see through him and his stress.

“Talk to me whenever you need to bud, I will happily listen.”

He ended up taking her up on that much sooner than he expected. 

He had come home one evening to find everything of his girlfriend’s gone. The apartment was practically empty since he didn’t own much, and it left a deep dark hole in his stomach. Before he could think too hard about it he pulled his phone out and called her, instantly going to voicemail.

He finally was able to get ahold of her but there wasn’t much he could say over her yelling at him.

“Shayne I can’t do this anymore! You aren’t appreciating what I do for you and what I give you! You also don’t appreciate me enough and it’s tiring! This is so unhealthy and you just aren’t in this relationship as I was, so goodbye.”

He was shell shocked at the audacity of her for making him seem like the bad guy here. In that moment, as he shrunk down to the ground, to stop himself from having a panic attack he pressed on Damien’s number and trembled as he waited for his friend to pick up.

“Hey buddy, what’s going on?”

“She broke up with me.” Is all he said and all he needed to.

“I’m on my way dude.”

As he sat there waiting for Damien to show up, he held his head in his hands and just let it all go. He started to sob and cry out for why he had to experience something so horrible instead of just being in a great relationship with the one person he actually loved more than anything else.

His sobs were silenced as the doorbell rang and he could see Damien’s looming figure outside his front door. He got up on shaky legs and unlocked it to see Damien standing there with a handful of chips, chocolates, blankets, a video game controller, and to his extreme surprise a bundle of yellow and pink flowers. 

“Wh-What is this?” He gestured to the flowers while also trying to hide his tears.

“I got you somethin’ just as pretty as you baby boy.” Damien said with a grin.

Shayne’s cheeks flushed bright red as he tried to find the joke in his voice. But to his shock it wasn’t there, Damien was smiling genuinely at him and waiting patiently for him to let the dude inside. He stepped aside and watched as Damien busied himself around his kitchen, starting the kettle, getting some tea out, putting something in the microwave, and finding a vase for the flowers.

“You go and take a shower, make yourself all clean and shiny and I will order some food and we will be playing Niddhog until we crash, alright buddy?”

Shayne can remember when Damien and his ex had broken up just a few months back and how Shayne had been there right as it had ended with snacks and video games to distract themselves. He really appreciated it now that Damien would do the same thing for him.

“Alright, thanks man.” He muttered, wiping his nose.

Shayne continued his little cry session in the shower, but this time it wasn’t as sad as before. It was mostly tears of regret for not saying anything to Damien before about his feelings so that he could have avoided this whole mess.

But as he towel dried his hair he thought deeply over the past two years of how he had grown as a person in his feelings and how he handled it with Damien and their friendship. He appreciated the highs and the lows and how they changed his perspective of things.

As he walked out into the living room he decided that he was okay with how the relationship had ended because now he was out of it and had an opportunity to do better and maybe one day admit his feelings to Damien.

He could smell chinese takeout in the kitchen and could hear Damien singing along to some Ariana Grande song. He wrapped himself up in a blanket as Damien rounded the corner and grinned at him, a tray full of food, chocolates, his flowers, and some chips and crackers on it.

“Here go man! Now, I will set up the game and we can get to smashing each other to pieces!”

Shayne was silent in his awe and love for his friend. He couldn’t stop the blush from rising on his cheeks and controlling his mouth for a split second.

“Damien,” he spoke up, getting the guy’s attention. “I don’t think I ever say how much you really mean to me, but it’s a damn lot.”

And to his shock and amazement, Damien blushed back.

_ He is so beautiful when he blushes. _

  
  
  


~~~1~~~

  
  


It was something from a movie. Shayne didn’t believe it was real at first, he had to sit down and breathe hours afterwards, smiling dorkily to himself as it all settled in.

Defy Media shut down, the parent company of Smosh and Smosh Games, which was disappointing yet also somewhat relieving. Yeah, they didn’t work for a business anymore but at the same time they had to deal with fighting for the right funds to come to them and not into some bank account. 

So things were a bit of a mess, but in the midst of that mess Courtney and Boze finally were allowed to date. Defy had had a strict no dating policy amongst coworkers and it had sucked for poor Courtney who had developed a crush on the first day of meeting the shorter woman.

Shayne had lost count of the times where they would both call each other up and cry over their respective crushes (Shayne hated that word but there wasn’t hardly any other words used to be a description) and watch 80’s rom-coms to make each other feel better.

So Shayne was excited for Courtney, truly. She had lit up when Boze had casually mentioned one day at lunch that she was gay and from there the rest was history. When the news hit that Defy had gone bankrupt, Boze had legit turned to Courtney and casually asked,

“Do you want to go on a fuckin’ date, Miller?”

Shayne had almost died on the spot at how excited Courtney had looked as she said yes.

Damien had also been there and had been super excited for Boze, cheering the both of them on. Shayne couldn’t help but glance at his best friend, feeling the urge to do the exact same thing. But he couldn’t steal the spotlight from Boze and Courtney, they had waited a long time to have this so he needed to give them that.

But goddammit had he waited too long!

So it all began when Shayne woke up on a Tuesday morning, getting up to get ready for a filming session with the rest of the squad. They decided to do most of their filming at Ian’s place and they had a lot to catch up on and film.

He showered, shaved, brushed his teeth, and washed his face, prepared for another day like the last. He was shaken out of his morning routine when he phone vibrated, a text from Ian.

**_Boss Man: heyyyy you’ve been chosen as the lucky coffee intern of the day! I will text you the orders…._ **

Shayne sighed, remembering how it was his day coming up. He got changed and popped some toast in the toaster, checking his phone for the orders. He also had a text from Olivia, but it was another nonsense text that had him questioning every life choice of yours.

**_Weirdo: tickle my cheese-it breath_ **

“What the hell….” He muttered to himself.

_ Liv, was this a sexy text message you meant to send to Sam? _

The toaster popped up his toast and he spread some peanut butter and honey on top, ate both slices in a couple minutes as he scrolled through twitter and liked a couple tweets (some that had him snorting and inhaling some of his toast), and then hopped up and out the door.

He jumped in his car and played one of his favorite songs at the moment, jamming out to it as he drove downtown to the local starbucks. As he was pulling onto the main road, his music paused as he was getting a call from Courtney. 

“Hey what’s up?”

“You’re getting coffee right?” Courtney asked on the other line.

“Yeah I am, Ian sent me the list of orders. Do you have something to add?”

“Yeah actually, we need a couple of the loaf thingies, you know what I’m talking about?”

“Yeah I think so,” Shayne said as he turned at the light. “The lemon loaf things?”

“Yes! We need two lemon loaves, two chocolate loafs, and a pumpkin spice loaf.”

“Alright, who are they for?”

“Josh, Ian, two for myself because I can’t get ENOUGH and the pumpkin spice one is for Bozey.”

“Hmmmm you guys have cute nicknames for each other now?” Shayne teased in a silly voice.

“Oh yeah!” Courtney mocked the voice he was using back at him. “She calls me honey and cutie!”

“You guys are too adorable, we need to end it before I die of a sugar overdose.”

“Nahhhhh.”

“Yeaaaaaah.”

“Nahhhhhh.”

“I’m driving Courtney, do you want me to die?!” Shayne exclaimed with a laugh as he pulled into the drive through of the starbucks.

“Yes in fact, please veer off the road right now.”

“Rude ass.”

“Bitch boy.”

Bitch boy?! Is that the best you’ve got?!” Shayne laughed loudly.

“Hey Damien told me that would work and he knows you  _ almost  _ intimately.” Courtney teased.

“That’s cheating.” Shayne retorted as his cheeks flushed.

“Also he ain’t datin’ anyone, what have you got to lose bud?!” Courtney exclaimed.

“I have SO much to lose! Eight years of friendship Court!” Shayne whined.

“You are being a baby, he likes you back you moron!” Courtney yelled and hung up.

Shayne rolled his eyes and the window and started repeating the orders to the barista on the other line of the speaker.

It was a bit of a wait for the full order, but finally Shayne had everything in drink carriers and baggies and was pulling out of the parking lot and towards Ian’s place.

As he was leaving he got a text from Courtney asking if he was on his way, he responded (using Siri, he’s a safe boi) wondering why Courtney was so insistent on knowing how long he was going to take and where he was.

He ignored Courtney’s weird habits and drove up to Ian’s. He was able to get both drink carriers out and the baggies in his mouth as he walked up to the door. He was able to ring the doorbell with his elbow when he heard a car door behind him. He turned to see Damien walking out of his car and towards him with what looked like a donut box.

“Hey dude, here let me take one of those.” Damien offered, grabbing one of the carriers from Shayne and helping open the door for the both of them.

They stumbled inside, Damien giggling at Shayne’s expressions as he held the baggies in his teeth.

“So you were on coffee duty?” Damien asked as Shayne set it all down on the table.

“Yeah, and you were on what duty?” Shayne asked, eyeing the box.

“Oh, donut duty apparently. Boze said she wanted donuts this morning and had ordered them the night before and had me pick them up since I was closer.

Shayne froze, his brow scrunching at the sketchiness of the situation.

“Wait, Courtney called me and told me to get starbucks loaves because Boze wanted them…. And there is a Walgreens right next to Boze’s place so she could have been able to pick donuts up on her own….”

Right as everything clicked together in Damien’s head, they both suddenly heard the front door slam close behind them. They both turned to see Courtney and Boze locking the door from the outside.

“Dude! What the fuck?!” Shayne exclaimed, pulling on the doorknob but to no avail.

“You guys can try all you want, but Ian let us proof this entire house, there’s no waty you’re getting out of here!” Courtney yelled through the window.

“Why are you doing this?” Damien asked.

Shayne felt his heart drop as he flickered his gaze up at Courtney, who had a shit eating grin on her face.

“You both know why.” Boze said cryptically before laughing maniacally. “If you try and smash a window the police will be alerted and Ian will sue you.”

Shayne ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“We will let you out when you’ve gotten  _ everything  _ off of your chest.” Courtney said, giggling with her girlfriend before they skipped away.

“Oh my god they are insane…” Shayne muttered, feeling panic crawl its way up his stomach. “This is unbelievable….”

Damien just stood there, the donut box still in hand, with a shocked expression.

“I’m sorry for this, this is something stupid that Courtney is teasing me about, we can pretend this never happened and wait until Pam or Ian get back home and let us out. We have food and water, we can wait it out.” Shayne realized he was rambling and his voice was getting higher.

“Shayne, you’re panicking.” Damien muttered.

“I-It’s fine, seriously! I-I-It’s fine, Courtney’s j-just being stupid, you know? This is all some elaborate prank and they will post a vlog about it and it will be super funny and shit! A-A-And--”

Suddenly Shayne realized he wasn’t breathing and his knees gave out.

“Dude, Shayne!” Damien shouted, setting the donuts on the table and rushing to his side.

Shayne realized he was crying as he crunched up into a ball, trying to hide this reaction from his best friend.

“I-I-I-It’s f-f-f-fine.” Shayne stuttered horrendously.

Damien just held him, rocking him back and forth. Shayne didn’t know how long they sat there, waiting for his breathing to calm down and his shoulders to untense. But Shayne was still freaked out, he didn’t know what to do or say. He was afraid, cripplingly so.

“One of the last times I did this was when we were in Vegas.” Damien whispered in a rough voice.

Shayne froze slowly looking up at his friend, who was staring out into the distance with a look in his eyes.

“I remember being really frightened because I had never seen that in you before. I didn’t know you would have a reaction like that, especially after--” He paused, looking away from Shayne.

Suddenly Shayne could hear a sniffle and Damien’s chest heaved up and down. Before he could think out logically how to approach this, he was speaking.

“D-Do you r-remember?” Shayne asked in a fragile voice.

Damien tensed, turned slightly and glanced at him once before looking away ashamedly.

He nodded his head.

Shayne felt like the wind was knocked out of him right there and then. He didn’t know how to react or speak.

“I didn’t know if you remembered and ever since then I was too scared of what you would think or say about that night, so I started dating and finding excuses to build a life that I didn’t need you in.” Damien spoke quickly, his words slurring together at times.

“But then I realized how lonely I really was. I had filled my life up with things that couldn’t compare and all I needed was you, Shayne, so when you approached me about the opportunity of joining Smosh I was so goddamn happy. 

“Sydne figured it all out towards the end and that’s why we broke up. She knew I wasn’t fully in it and I felt so bad for putting myself in a relationship with her for so long that I never could really commit to when I had feelings elsewhere.”

“E-Elsewhere?” Shayne whispered in shock.

Damien turned and smiled sadly at Shayne. He sighed, his eyes welling up with tears.

“The moment we met, Shayne, I knew that you were so goddamn special. With each inside joke we created and every episode of So Random we acted in I was falling deeper and deeper in love with you. When we roomed together and we had no excuse to just hang together all the time on our couch and you would wash dishes with me. Every text I would get from you after the show ended and we both so desperately wanted time to be together and just enjoy each other’s company had me soaring. When I suggested that trip, Shayne, I had meant to bring you down there to admit my feelings to you, but it went so differently and I didn’t know if you remember how I had royally fucked up so I never mentioned it to you in fear of what you would say.

“But Shayne,” Damien’s voice cracked. “I can’t keep running away in fear. I’ve spent most of my adult life pining and so desperate that I just need to say this: I am so madly in love with you, Shayne Topp.”

This was a goddamn dream, this wasn’t real. Shayne couldn’t think for a moment, his brain had short wired and died. But as soon as he twisted and looked up at his friend, the best friend who had stolen his heart and showed him so much about himself and how to love, he couldn’t stop himself.

He leaped forward with every chance he had wished so desperately in the past to have, and planted a deep kiss on his Damien’s quivering lips.

Sparks flew once again, just as they had that fateful night in Vegas. Their lips slid together almost like magic, both of their tears mixing together in their mouths as they held each other so desperately close and poured every damn thing out.

It felt like hours of just sitting there pressing kisses against one another, crying and sobbing into each other’s chests, and just holding themselves there in that moment.

“God, Damien, there’s so much I want to say but you basically said it all.” Shayne cried, laughing with relief at how light he felt, twining his fingers with Damiens soft ones.

“I think I realized on the night of Matthew’s goodbye party.”

“Really?!” Damien exclaimed, grinning widely.

“You looked so confident and free, like you knew exactly what you were doing and I didn’t want to lose sight of you. Everytime I would see you perform I was blown away and I just knew you would do such amazing stuff one day. I had to be near you or else I didn;t know what I would have done with my life.

“But I finally came to terms with being bi after Vegas. I had been having small moments where I knew I had to sit down and think about my feelings and all but I was too scared. So that morning I was so terrified because I had grown up thinking I was a certain way and to have a completely different reaction was really scary. But afterwards I was so depressed without you.”

Damien squeezed his hand, his face falling as he murmured that he was sorry over and over again.

“It helped though, not having you there, because I was able to find my grounding and dig myself out of my rut. It was horrible and every time I saw you I just wanted you to be mine, but it was good even through the bad. I learned and I grew and we are here now, so I thank god for that.” Shayne said with a wide grin.

“Yes, and in that case God is in the form of Courtney and Ericka Miller-Bozeman.” Damien joked, making the both of them giggle.

“What donuts did you get?” Shayne asked after a beat of silence.

Damien’s cheeks flushed bright red.

“So, short story, Boze was the one confidant of mine when all I wanted to do was bang my head against a door.”

“Oh same, but Courtney was mine.” Shayne admitted.

“So we made this joke that the moment she would tell Courtney about her feelings I would buy her donuts made to look like tits. So the alternative for me was fr her to buy me donuts made to look like…”

“No. Fucking. Way.” Shayne muttered, opening the box to see dick-shaped donuts in rainbow icing.

They both cracked up into hysterical laughter, gripping each other in their joy.

  
  


_ Finally….I got my chance. _

  
  
  


Two miles away in Ian’s car, Ian, Courtney, and Boze were all smugly grinning as they watched the entire scene play out on Ian’s security cameras.

“You are a motherfucking genius, Ericka Bozeman.” Courtney said, planting a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek.

“Damn right.” Boze muttered with a wink.


End file.
